Pick a Side … Please

I’m adding content before I get to the real stuff – the escape from New England, the Javelina Attack, and the hilarious shit happening the past few years.

Now, perhaps I’m being a dick here – you tell me. It was explained to me by a friend of mine who shall remain nameless, that she likes to switch off sides of the bed here and there. WHAT? My reality came crashing down in one fell swoop – that shit’s not natural.

Meaning, while I hog the left side, she wanted to sleep there, but generally crashes on the right. I admit I couldn’t sleep following this horrible discovery. Maybe throw her a used t-shirt from the gym? wrap it around a wind up clock so it sounds like a heartbeat?

WHO doesn’t have a side of the bed? I mean I bought a King so I could sleep DIAGONALLY if I wanted, but someone who doesn’t have a side they sleep on?

I’ve managed to navigate through it all – not moving so much overnight so I don’t rip a tremendous fart and dutch oven anyone, learning to sleep without covers and not bitch about it, perfecting the slow roll and drop so as not to wake anyone, holding my bladder so god forbid I don’t wake up the dogs, making sure the toilet is porcelain white before company arrives, putting both socks in the SAME place so I could sneak out without waking her (and yea this is MY house we are talking about) but THIS … this could be a deal breaker.

Does anyone else feel my pain? I’m beside myself (on the right side of the bed it seems AGAIN) and it’s a little freaky. What’s next, ketchup on the scrambled eggs? She doesn’t like coffee and bacon? She uses mayonnaise to ‘butter’ her grilled cheese sandwiches? I’m at a loss.

Well, I’m back …

God this sucks …

It seems after 5 years of retirement, Ernie Souchak, the alleged former terror of Lowell Politics, and someone apparently confused with the Lowell Shallot, has re-emerged.  I wouldn’t mind being confused with the Shallot, but my Photoshop skills could never be confused with the Shallots love of Microsoft Paint … I digress, sorry.

So, word was a certain member of the City Council wanted to kill me, random strangers would walk up to me at the sidewalk Cafe and just start talking (apparently my pen name wasn’t much of a disguise), and someone tossing a broken glass table top down the trash chute from 4 stories up while I was clearing the chute wasn’t very nice.

All that, and some recent cajoling by friends has made it apparent I should be doing something I enjoy, outside of scraping paint off my House, and making a Sweater from lint collected from the Dryer. Default Color=Gray

I’m not here to put a bee in your bonnet, but to provide what I hope is interesting entertainment, without the Facebook bullshit – while I enjoy scrolling through posting after posting of political nonsense, fake news, and drunken Folk at 3 am airing dirty Laundry, it does get old. You understand the challenge – Savages

For those who asked, I did marry Nell … yes, I DID get on the goddamn Train, and YES, we did consummate the Union before we got married, despite almost getting myself killed courting Her (damn Mountain Lions)

Yes, Victor Wyoming was actually Cedar Falls, Washington on the now-abandoned Pacific Extension of the Milwaukee Road, and yes, they lied, Wyoming looks nothing like Washington. Still, it was pretty.

So, time to get back to my vintage Smith Corona Classic 12 Typewriter, and wake my old crunchy ass up. I’m starting to sound too much like my Father getting out of a chair. I hope you enjoy, and of course comments and criticisms are greatly appreciated, just keep it sane and respectful – Ernie